Even when letting go the need to hold on still has a way of inserting itself. It moves with such subtlety that I don’t always notice until I notice, which is when I pause long enough to investigate my reasons: Why am I thinking or feeling this, and what are the reasons behind these thoughts and feelings? I find that when I go within and ask myself of myself, I see clearly the way, and it is when I’m clear that I am truly informed enough to make the highest decision.
Today, I found myself dipping into the control jar where my hair is concerned, you know, the hair that I recently decided to leave alone and allow to be free. I started vacillating between cutting my current locs and starting from a mini fro in order to freeform from there and create—aka: control—the shape, size, and hopefully, the look as much as possible. Newsflash to self! That ain’t freeform, honey! Then there’s the inner dialogue saying, Yes, it is because you’ll be starting from scratch, and so on and so on with all the reasons to cut it and begin again so they go where I want them to go instead of where they want to go after asking to be free. Control.
It is said that having locs is a journey in learning and discovering more fully whom you are as a person. The way of this unpredictable, and often uneasy, journey is what reveals the truth about yourself as well as help to facilitate inner growth. People with locs tend to grow and change as their locs grow and change. There’s a direct connection, and when we try to control the process it points to that place that needs to breathe more deeply into the vast space inside of which we let go. I am remembering to remind myself of this when I start contemplating cultivation instead of freeform.
Every day promises to be different. Every day will bring with it a new look and a new feeling, yet I am committed to growing through the rises and falls, and the tricks of my mind trying to lure me in other places. I know the way I am called to go. I also know that when we listen we arrive at the gift that was meant for us, and at life’s mysterious magic. So, here is to the journey and to documenting along the way. I want to leave this trail in order to remember the way of the path.